Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Hemorrhaging hiccups of pain
Encumber my oesophagus
The grunge stained alveoli
Colossal granite in a fissure
Down and inflames my crux
Up and seethe my eustachius
This seditious malady I suffer
Yearning for unmuttered utterance
Out of your beautiful iris
Craving for miscontrued intentions
Out of your beautiful larynx
Encumber my oesophagus
The grunge stained alveoli
Colossal granite in a fissure
Down and inflames my crux
Up and seethe my eustachius
This seditious malady I suffer
Yearning for unmuttered utterance
Out of your beautiful iris
Craving for miscontrued intentions
Out of your beautiful larynx
Sunday, February 04, 2007
One Hour (or more) Conversation..
Waktu itu kira-kira sekitar jem 9 pagi. Gue lagi sarapan seperti biasa di warung belakang sekolah. Lontong sayur pake telor dan segelas gede es teh tawar, ketika tiba-tiba HP gue bunyi "ni wen wo ai ni you duo shen.. wo ai ni you ji fen.." Oke gue tau, lagunya basi banget. Dan gue juga sebenernya gak suka lagu Mandarin. Tapi sejak tukeran HP sama nyokap, gue belun masukkin lagu apa-apa jadi harus bisa bertahan sama lagu kuno Terese Teng yang dinyanyiin ulang sama David Tau itu.
Gue liat siapa yang nelpon pagi-pagi begini. Kalo bukan Marketing Manager dari kantor yang selalu ngejer-ngejer gue untuk nyelesein kerjaan desain, biasanya jarang ada yang nelpon pagi-pagi begitu. Ternyata dia. "Hmm ada apa neh?" Otak mulai muter dan bertanya-tanya. Sejak kejadian hari itu, gak pernah sekalipun dia kontek gue en vice versa.
Say hi, apa kabar, bla-bla-bla dan sedikit chit-cat, terus dia mulai nanya-nanya soal temennya yang juga temen gue. Jadi si temen ini ada masalah sama bisnisnya dan dia pikir gue tahu mengenai masalah ini. Tapi nyatanya gue gak tau dan gak mao tau. Percakapan terus berlanjut lama banget.
Cerita-cerita apa aja yang dia dah lakuin selama ini, ternyata dia fitness sekarang. Haha cukup geli juga. Karena gue tau dia bukan tipe fitness ato tipe yang bisa konsisten sama sesuatu dalam jangka waktu yang lama. Tarohan dia bakalan berhenti fitness dalam waktu 3 bulan.
Dan percakapan masuk ke bagian intinya.
"Jadi apa loe maseh sama dia?" gue tanya.
"Ya masih."
"Apa loe sekarang hepi?"
"Yah sekarang seh biasa aja.. emang kenapa?"
"Yah wondering aja.. kalo loe gak bahagia, buat apa loe ngorbanin semuanya dan ngelakuin semua yang udah loe lakuin."
"Ya gue juga ga tau.."
"Nyokap dah tau?"
"Nyokap seh tau, tapi bokap gak mungkin lah.. bisa dibunuh gue."
"Jadi gimana kelanjutannya kalo gitu? Emang mao begitu terus?"
"Yah liat ajalah nanti.. toh belun tentu kita juga bakal lanjut ato gimana."
"Oh.."
"Loe sendiri gimana? Udah ada yang baru?"
"Yah yang deket-deket aja seh ada beberapa.."
"Wah bagus dunk!"
"Maseh bingung.."
"Kenapa bingung?"
"Mace-macem lah, komunikasinya kurang mantep. Dan ada juga yang kayaknya maseh restrain banget. Kayak takut-takut gitu. Yah ga taulah.."
"Oh.. yah cepetan deh dapet yang baru."
"Hmm..."
Gue gak bermaksud ngejudge dan sok tahu. Mungkin juga gue salah tangkep. Tapi gue nangkep kalo dia sebenernya gak hepi. Gak hepi sama dia. Gak hepi sama keputusan-keputusan yang udah diambil. Gak hepi sama keadaan. Gak hepi sama dirinya. Gak hepi sama semuanya. Dan itu membuat gue juga sadar bahwa gue juga gak sepenuhnya hepi.
Mungkin selama ini loe mencoba mencari kebahagiaan yang salah dengan cara yang salah pula. Mungkin selama ini pencarian loe akan kebahagiaan meleset karena loe punya konsep yang salah tentang kebahagiaan. Mungkin selama ini loe terlalu ngotot untuk mendapatkan apa yang menurut kita kebahagian. Bahagia menurut definisi loe sendiri. Padahal mungkin sebenernya bahagia itu bukanlah apa yang loe pikir selama ini.
Kalo bahagia itu adalah 'A'. Mungkin selama ini bukannya mencari 'A' tapi loe selalu mencoba mencari dan mendapatkan 'B'. Loe ngotot untuk mendapatkan 'B' no matter what, karena menurut loe 'B' adalah kebahagiaan sejati. Karena 'B' adalah apa yang loe mao. Tapi kalo begitu, ya jelas aja loe gak bakalan ngerasain bahagia sampe kapan juga. Karena loe mencari hal yang salah di tempat yang salah selama ini.
Mungkin bahagia bukanlah soal mendapatkan apa yang loe mao, mungkin bahagia itu adalah menerima dan menghargai apa yang udah loe punya. Mungkin..
Gue harap dia bahagia.. dan gue pun bisa bahagia.
Semoga.
Waktu itu kira-kira sekitar jem 9 pagi. Gue lagi sarapan seperti biasa di warung belakang sekolah. Lontong sayur pake telor dan segelas gede es teh tawar, ketika tiba-tiba HP gue bunyi "ni wen wo ai ni you duo shen.. wo ai ni you ji fen.." Oke gue tau, lagunya basi banget. Dan gue juga sebenernya gak suka lagu Mandarin. Tapi sejak tukeran HP sama nyokap, gue belun masukkin lagu apa-apa jadi harus bisa bertahan sama lagu kuno Terese Teng yang dinyanyiin ulang sama David Tau itu.
Gue liat siapa yang nelpon pagi-pagi begini. Kalo bukan Marketing Manager dari kantor yang selalu ngejer-ngejer gue untuk nyelesein kerjaan desain, biasanya jarang ada yang nelpon pagi-pagi begitu. Ternyata dia. "Hmm ada apa neh?" Otak mulai muter dan bertanya-tanya. Sejak kejadian hari itu, gak pernah sekalipun dia kontek gue en vice versa.
Say hi, apa kabar, bla-bla-bla dan sedikit chit-cat, terus dia mulai nanya-nanya soal temennya yang juga temen gue. Jadi si temen ini ada masalah sama bisnisnya dan dia pikir gue tahu mengenai masalah ini. Tapi nyatanya gue gak tau dan gak mao tau. Percakapan terus berlanjut lama banget.
Cerita-cerita apa aja yang dia dah lakuin selama ini, ternyata dia fitness sekarang. Haha cukup geli juga. Karena gue tau dia bukan tipe fitness ato tipe yang bisa konsisten sama sesuatu dalam jangka waktu yang lama. Tarohan dia bakalan berhenti fitness dalam waktu 3 bulan.
Dan percakapan masuk ke bagian intinya.
"Jadi apa loe maseh sama dia?" gue tanya.
"Ya masih."
"Apa loe sekarang hepi?"
"Yah sekarang seh biasa aja.. emang kenapa?"
"Yah wondering aja.. kalo loe gak bahagia, buat apa loe ngorbanin semuanya dan ngelakuin semua yang udah loe lakuin."
"Ya gue juga ga tau.."
"Nyokap dah tau?"
"Nyokap seh tau, tapi bokap gak mungkin lah.. bisa dibunuh gue."
"Jadi gimana kelanjutannya kalo gitu? Emang mao begitu terus?"
"Yah liat ajalah nanti.. toh belun tentu kita juga bakal lanjut ato gimana."
"Oh.."
"Loe sendiri gimana? Udah ada yang baru?"
"Yah yang deket-deket aja seh ada beberapa.."
"Wah bagus dunk!"
"Maseh bingung.."
"Kenapa bingung?"
"Mace-macem lah, komunikasinya kurang mantep. Dan ada juga yang kayaknya maseh restrain banget. Kayak takut-takut gitu. Yah ga taulah.."
"Oh.. yah cepetan deh dapet yang baru."
"Hmm..."
Gue gak bermaksud ngejudge dan sok tahu. Mungkin juga gue salah tangkep. Tapi gue nangkep kalo dia sebenernya gak hepi. Gak hepi sama dia. Gak hepi sama keputusan-keputusan yang udah diambil. Gak hepi sama keadaan. Gak hepi sama dirinya. Gak hepi sama semuanya. Dan itu membuat gue juga sadar bahwa gue juga gak sepenuhnya hepi.
Mungkin selama ini loe mencoba mencari kebahagiaan yang salah dengan cara yang salah pula. Mungkin selama ini pencarian loe akan kebahagiaan meleset karena loe punya konsep yang salah tentang kebahagiaan. Mungkin selama ini loe terlalu ngotot untuk mendapatkan apa yang menurut kita kebahagian. Bahagia menurut definisi loe sendiri. Padahal mungkin sebenernya bahagia itu bukanlah apa yang loe pikir selama ini.
Kalo bahagia itu adalah 'A'. Mungkin selama ini bukannya mencari 'A' tapi loe selalu mencoba mencari dan mendapatkan 'B'. Loe ngotot untuk mendapatkan 'B' no matter what, karena menurut loe 'B' adalah kebahagiaan sejati. Karena 'B' adalah apa yang loe mao. Tapi kalo begitu, ya jelas aja loe gak bakalan ngerasain bahagia sampe kapan juga. Karena loe mencari hal yang salah di tempat yang salah selama ini.
Mungkin bahagia bukanlah soal mendapatkan apa yang loe mao, mungkin bahagia itu adalah menerima dan menghargai apa yang udah loe punya. Mungkin..
Gue harap dia bahagia.. dan gue pun bisa bahagia.
Semoga.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
I have another blog in FriendsterBlog. Come and visit if you please: Simply Pentatonik
One week Term Break Holidays is here!
It's the 4th day and I'm bored stiff, still have many things to do but just can't get my ass off the bed to do them. The only thing good about this holiday is that I can go back to my NATURAL sleeping habbit, go to sleep at 4 AM and get up at 1 PM. It feels so good to get up late, especially since you can't never do that on working days. Hey don't say that I'm lazy or something, you always want what you can't have, right? The more it's forbidden, the more you want it so bad. In my case, that means sleeping 12 hours straight till noon and not worrying about getting late for work!
But it's only 3 more days left till I have to get up at 6 AM in the morning again. God, I hate getting up so early! Does anybody have any idea how to spend the rest of the holidays full of fun, but without spending too much money?
Go out and with your friends? I do that. I meet my friends almost everyday. Just yesterday I met an old friend, and it's nice. We used to talk all the time back then but I haven't really talked to her much for quite a long time. I'm glad she's doing very well. And since all of my friends are working that means I can only meet them at evenings. I am pretty occupied at evenings. But still don't have much to do at afternoon.
Playing games? I've finished Shadow of the Collosus (fully recommended! Simple but awesome gameplay and wonderful visuals!). Been playing The God of War. And already at the last part of Onimusha 3: Demon Siege. But something happened with my TV and now it can't be turn on. And me and my bro are too lazy to carry it to the nearest repair shop (which we also don't know where it is).
So any other ideas? Please don't tell me to read. I am doing it. I'm reading a very good book now. Maybe i'll write a bit about it right now.
Sophie's World
I heard about this book so many times but never got the chance to read it myself. Then just right before the holidays I came across this book in the library. I took it without thinking. This will occupy my holidays, or so I thought.
This book is a must read if you're interested in philosophy. The idea is amazing. It's a novel that has main character and plot and everything, but it also a book of history of philosophy. So there's this teenage girl named Sophie, who kept receiving letters from a mysterious philosopher. Teaching her about philosophy. The history, the people, the ideas and the meanings of it. From Democritus who invented Lego, to Socrates who invented hide and seek, to Kierkegaard the loneliest person on earth, to Marx, everything there is to know about philosophy!
I'm one of those people who think and ask questions about stuffs that are stupid and waste of time for some other people. Questions like; Who am I? Am I really the person I think I am? Or am I just a product of the society? Why am I here? Is there really a purpose or I'm just a casualty? Why things happen the way they happen? Why do I feel the way I feel? Why do I do what I do? Why do I believe the things I believe? What is life? What is religion? What is God? Who is God? Is there really a God? And all those there'll-be-no-answers questions.
While I can't help but keep thinking and asking, sometimes I also realize that it's a waste of time. What's the point of thinking all these things? Doest it do any good to me? Am I just wasting my time? Is there a meaning behind it? Yet, another questions emerged. Arghh! But the book told me, that it's okay to thing about such things. Though we may not be able to find the answers, but it helps you to understand more about who you really are and the world you live in. Isn't it a pity if you live in a world for so long but you never even think about where it came from and how it works?
I find the book very inspiring. Plato and other great philosophers have changed the world by thinking abut these things, well I may not be able to change the world, but at least I can change my own world.
And that wraps up my review!
Just now, the marketing manager from office called. She asked me how am doing with the YearBook I've been working on. So sorry guys, there's going to be another delay. My compie crashed a few days ago and now it won't start. Don't worry, all the files are safe but I just can't work on it right now. Not till I fix it.
Now I'm going to take a shower and continue my book. Maybe I'll write again tonight.
Sweet Cream
I can still taste the greasy sweet cream of the birthday cake I ate that night. But it's not the taste that matters. The taste wasn't that good either.
Last week we had a School Christian Fellowship retreat. About 80 people were there. Students and teachers. It was quite fun. It's been a long time since my last retreat so it was refreshing but also very tiring >.<
We were there only for 1 night and 2 days. And that night was somebody's birthday. One of my student turned out 15 that night. The one that gave me the cute little mug I mentioned in my previous post. So we wanted to have a surprise party, well not exactly a party, just a cake, blowing candles etc. The same old ritual.
00:00 AM. She went into the room and yeah you know what happened. Everybody was saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" dan one of the guy (the guy who has a crush on her) brought that cake. She was blushing. Then she blew the candles after the "make a wish" part. Her friends started to demand "FIRST CAKE! FIRST CAKE!" Well you know. They wanted to know whether she would be brave enough to give the first cake to the guy she always has a crush on. But I already knew she wouldn't do it. It's too much of a pressure. My guess was she would give the first cake to her best friend.
She said, "First cake is supposed to be for my parents. But they're not here. I guess I know whom I'm going to give it to."
She looked at me and said, "Mr. Ronal."
She gave me the cake covered with brown sweet cream. The FIRST CAKE. It felt so good. I shook her hands and said Happy Birthday.
Then the SECOND CAKE was given to a guy friend. Not her crush. Just a good friend which apparently has already had a girlfriend who was there also watching the whole thing. When the guy got the cake, I think the girlfriend got upset and left the room. And the guy immediately chase after her, maybe trying to explain something. And finally he didn't eat the cake and gave it to somebody else. Hahaha. Just like in a Korean drama movie.
One week Term Break Holidays is here!
It's the 4th day and I'm bored stiff, still have many things to do but just can't get my ass off the bed to do them. The only thing good about this holiday is that I can go back to my NATURAL sleeping habbit, go to sleep at 4 AM and get up at 1 PM. It feels so good to get up late, especially since you can't never do that on working days. Hey don't say that I'm lazy or something, you always want what you can't have, right? The more it's forbidden, the more you want it so bad. In my case, that means sleeping 12 hours straight till noon and not worrying about getting late for work!
But it's only 3 more days left till I have to get up at 6 AM in the morning again. God, I hate getting up so early! Does anybody have any idea how to spend the rest of the holidays full of fun, but without spending too much money?
Go out and with your friends? I do that. I meet my friends almost everyday. Just yesterday I met an old friend, and it's nice. We used to talk all the time back then but I haven't really talked to her much for quite a long time. I'm glad she's doing very well. And since all of my friends are working that means I can only meet them at evenings. I am pretty occupied at evenings. But still don't have much to do at afternoon.
Playing games? I've finished Shadow of the Collosus (fully recommended! Simple but awesome gameplay and wonderful visuals!). Been playing The God of War. And already at the last part of Onimusha 3: Demon Siege. But something happened with my TV and now it can't be turn on. And me and my bro are too lazy to carry it to the nearest repair shop (which we also don't know where it is).
So any other ideas? Please don't tell me to read. I am doing it. I'm reading a very good book now. Maybe i'll write a bit about it right now.
Sophie's World
I heard about this book so many times but never got the chance to read it myself. Then just right before the holidays I came across this book in the library. I took it without thinking. This will occupy my holidays, or so I thought.
This book is a must read if you're interested in philosophy. The idea is amazing. It's a novel that has main character and plot and everything, but it also a book of history of philosophy. So there's this teenage girl named Sophie, who kept receiving letters from a mysterious philosopher. Teaching her about philosophy. The history, the people, the ideas and the meanings of it. From Democritus who invented Lego, to Socrates who invented hide and seek, to Kierkegaard the loneliest person on earth, to Marx, everything there is to know about philosophy!
I'm one of those people who think and ask questions about stuffs that are stupid and waste of time for some other people. Questions like; Who am I? Am I really the person I think I am? Or am I just a product of the society? Why am I here? Is there really a purpose or I'm just a casualty? Why things happen the way they happen? Why do I feel the way I feel? Why do I do what I do? Why do I believe the things I believe? What is life? What is religion? What is God? Who is God? Is there really a God? And all those there'll-be-no-answers questions.
While I can't help but keep thinking and asking, sometimes I also realize that it's a waste of time. What's the point of thinking all these things? Doest it do any good to me? Am I just wasting my time? Is there a meaning behind it? Yet, another questions emerged. Arghh! But the book told me, that it's okay to thing about such things. Though we may not be able to find the answers, but it helps you to understand more about who you really are and the world you live in. Isn't it a pity if you live in a world for so long but you never even think about where it came from and how it works?
I find the book very inspiring. Plato and other great philosophers have changed the world by thinking abut these things, well I may not be able to change the world, but at least I can change my own world.
And that wraps up my review!
Just now, the marketing manager from office called. She asked me how am doing with the YearBook I've been working on. So sorry guys, there's going to be another delay. My compie crashed a few days ago and now it won't start. Don't worry, all the files are safe but I just can't work on it right now. Not till I fix it.
Now I'm going to take a shower and continue my book. Maybe I'll write again tonight.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Sweet Cream
I can still taste the greasy sweet cream of the birthday cake I ate that night. But it's not the taste that matters. The taste wasn't that good either.
Last week we had a School Christian Fellowship retreat. About 80 people were there. Students and teachers. It was quite fun. It's been a long time since my last retreat so it was refreshing but also very tiring >.<
We were there only for 1 night and 2 days. And that night was somebody's birthday. One of my student turned out 15 that night. The one that gave me the cute little mug I mentioned in my previous post. So we wanted to have a surprise party, well not exactly a party, just a cake, blowing candles etc. The same old ritual.
00:00 AM. She went into the room and yeah you know what happened. Everybody was saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" dan one of the guy (the guy who has a crush on her) brought that cake. She was blushing. Then she blew the candles after the "make a wish" part. Her friends started to demand "FIRST CAKE! FIRST CAKE!" Well you know. They wanted to know whether she would be brave enough to give the first cake to the guy she always has a crush on. But I already knew she wouldn't do it. It's too much of a pressure. My guess was she would give the first cake to her best friend.
She said, "First cake is supposed to be for my parents. But they're not here. I guess I know whom I'm going to give it to."
She looked at me and said, "Mr. Ronal."
She gave me the cake covered with brown sweet cream. The FIRST CAKE. It felt so good. I shook her hands and said Happy Birthday.
Then the SECOND CAKE was given to a guy friend. Not her crush. Just a good friend which apparently has already had a girlfriend who was there also watching the whole thing. When the guy got the cake, I think the girlfriend got upset and left the room. And the guy immediately chase after her, maybe trying to explain something. And finally he didn't eat the cake and gave it to somebody else. Hahaha. Just like in a Korean drama movie.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Evolution
Sketch. Pencil on HVS. 2000
Darren. Pencil on HVS. 2006
(Thanks to my student for the name 'Darren'. It fits perfectly)
Milka. Pencil on HVS. 2006
I don't really believe in Darwin's Evolution Theory, at least not 100%. But one thing I do believe, drawings evolve. And here's the perfect example of it. The pictures above show my drawing evolution. The first drawing was drawn in 2000. And the next two were drawn last Friday. Well I know it's not that impressive for me to take 6 years yet the evolution is not too abovious. But I'm a lazy artist, what do you expect? =P I'm always amazed at how manga-kas (people who draw/make manga) evolve. I think that what makes manga so unique and different from Western comics. Evolution.
As I'm also too lazy to write entries these days, so please enjoy the pictures.
Sketch. Pencil on HVS. 2000
Darren. Pencil on HVS. 2006
(Thanks to my student for the name 'Darren'. It fits perfectly)
Milka. Pencil on HVS. 2006
I don't really believe in Darwin's Evolution Theory, at least not 100%. But one thing I do believe, drawings evolve. And here's the perfect example of it. The pictures above show my drawing evolution. The first drawing was drawn in 2000. And the next two were drawn last Friday. Well I know it's not that impressive for me to take 6 years yet the evolution is not too abovious. But I'm a lazy artist, what do you expect? =P I'm always amazed at how manga-kas (people who draw/make manga) evolve. I think that what makes manga so unique and different from Western comics. Evolution.
As I'm also too lazy to write entries these days, so please enjoy the pictures.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Hoobastank
Today was the Open House and Fun Fair at my school. And how it was tiresome! The day before I had to set the whole art-exhibition room mostly by myself (the kids did some help by bringing down the artworks from 6th floor to 3rd floor, thanks guys!). Finished around 6 PM, but no, I couldn't go home coz I had to wait for the band that I've been training to check their sounds and did one last rehearsal for the big day. I got home around 9 PM. Hungry. Tired. Collapsed. Tepar. But still got a bit of energy to go online and read a blog of one of my students. And it made my day. I slept with a smile lingering on my face.
Anyway, today when I was sitting around attending the exhibition room, another teacher came in. And we chatted for a while. She asked, "Are you planning to stay next year?". I said, "Well, yes. If the school still wants me to stay. I love the kids. I want to stay." And it's true. I just love the kids. Especially the Sec 2s. I just love talking to them, laughing with them and listening to their stories. I'm a graphic designer and as a 25 years old single guy, I should plan my future wisely and not be dependant on whether some school still want to hire me or not, but there's really nothing else I want to do right now than teaching those kids. Passing on my knowledge and wisdom to the younger generation in order to make a better future for all of the human race....... Well, okay, the last part may not be entirely true. But I do love being around those kids.
When I told her that, she told me that it's the right reason to stay. Well, is it?
Oh yes, today I also saw something that made my day. One of the Sec 1 girl wear a costume of Little Red Riding Hood for promoting the English Exhibition and with her red cheeks, cute innocent face, she looked like the REAL thing! The real Little Red Riding Hood! I was surprised. Shocked. Stunned. She made me believe in Little Red Riding Hood! Little Red Riding Hood does exist! I should've taken picture of her and put it here if it's not because of my chronic-forgetfullness to bring the camera >.< Damn!
Today was the Open House and Fun Fair at my school. And how it was tiresome! The day before I had to set the whole art-exhibition room mostly by myself (the kids did some help by bringing down the artworks from 6th floor to 3rd floor, thanks guys!). Finished around 6 PM, but no, I couldn't go home coz I had to wait for the band that I've been training to check their sounds and did one last rehearsal for the big day. I got home around 9 PM. Hungry. Tired. Collapsed. Tepar. But still got a bit of energy to go online and read a blog of one of my students. And it made my day. I slept with a smile lingering on my face.
Anyway, today when I was sitting around attending the exhibition room, another teacher came in. And we chatted for a while. She asked, "Are you planning to stay next year?". I said, "Well, yes. If the school still wants me to stay. I love the kids. I want to stay." And it's true. I just love the kids. Especially the Sec 2s. I just love talking to them, laughing with them and listening to their stories. I'm a graphic designer and as a 25 years old single guy, I should plan my future wisely and not be dependant on whether some school still want to hire me or not, but there's really nothing else I want to do right now than teaching those kids. Passing on my knowledge and wisdom to the younger generation in order to make a better future for all of the human race....... Well, okay, the last part may not be entirely true. But I do love being around those kids.
When I told her that, she told me that it's the right reason to stay. Well, is it?
Oh yes, today I also saw something that made my day. One of the Sec 1 girl wear a costume of Little Red Riding Hood for promoting the English Exhibition and with her red cheeks, cute innocent face, she looked like the REAL thing! The real Little Red Riding Hood! I was surprised. Shocked. Stunned. She made me believe in Little Red Riding Hood! Little Red Riding Hood does exist! I should've taken picture of her and put it here if it's not because of my chronic-forgetfullness to bring the camera >.< Damn!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
The Princess, The Robot And Faber-Castell
Okay so 3 months ago my friend told me that he's opening a tuition center and he wanted me to teach for Art & Manga class (whatever 'Art & Manga' means) every Saturday. I said okay, since I always wanted to do some Manga and less Art class which I can't do at my school now. I think it was 2 weeks later after the meeting that my friend called me to start the class that Saturday. But I never thought it would be quite a surprise.
I was expecting junior or high school students, like 12-16 years old. The ones who already have some basics of drawing. But instead of teenagers I was a bit shocked to find 2 cute, tiny and so lovable creatures looking at me with their witty yet innocent eyes as my friend introduced me to them, "This is Jessica, 6 years old. This is her brother Eric, 7 years old". Wait! Two kindergarten kids? A bit panicked I forgot everything I prepared for the session that day. Well it didn't really matter though, since I couldn't do it with 6 and 7 years old kids anyway.
Flashback ~
You see, I avoid teaching anything to kids below 10 years old. I think it has something to do with my experience as an English tutor a long time ago. I taught elementary kids, all boys, from 1st grade to 4th grade. And I found those kids so very slapable! Irritating, annoying, lazy, always playing around, and they couldn't sit still, and cried if I scolded them! Doh! A pain in the ass. Well of course there were one or two kids who were nice, kind and smart but still I never really like to teach kids stuffs like teaching ABC, the name of colors, animal or fruits >.< I dunno, maybe I just don't have the patience for it or maybe I don't like the way I talk when teaching small kids, yes I know you know what I mean!
Just a bit of observation, but I found that those annoying kids had something in common: their parents were never at home. Most of the time, there were only the kids with the maids/babysitters. I think hiring a private tutor for elementary kids can only mean one thing, parents are too busy or too lazy to teach their kids. I mean, it's only elementary school, come on! How hard can the subjects be anyway?!
You don't need a tutor just to teach your kids elementary English, Maths or Science. My mom didn't need it. When I was in elementary school, she taught me everything. She would write down questions for me, help me with my homeworks and review the lessons with me. She didn't understand English (up to this day), but still she taught me the basic stuffs like colors, greetings and animals. And I'm so glad that she did that. If you were a kid, you don't want a stranger to teach you things, you want your mom and dad! Family is the first, and should always be, the best school for a kid (at least before the kid knows Google =P ).
Okay, enough with the flashback ~
Eric and Jessica are smart kids. They talk in cute IndoEnglish* which only makes them even more lovable. And they love to draw! It makes my job a whole lot easier =P But as expected from the first time I saw them, it's not going to be easy. I have to talk in 'that way', you know.. the way you talk to kids.
First, I wanted to teach them how to draw animals, the basic kids stuff: make 2 circles, one is bigger than the other, combine them, draw the eyes, a beak and 2 feet, voila you have a chicken! But they don't want animals. "It's ugly.." Jessica told me. "Well what do you want to draw then?" I said, trying to stay calm and keep my patience. "A princess!" She told me. Well princess it was then.. so I taught her how to draw a beautiful princess with long curly hair plus a castle for her to wait for her prince charming (and now, everytime she draws a princess she draws it the way I taught her. It makes me happy, because I know it will stay with her for a very long time).
But boys don't like princess, so I asked what Eric wanted to draw, and he said, "A robot!" Well robot it was then.. Kids these days, they don't like to draw animals anymore, they prefer princess Barbie or Super Robot Dekaranger >.< And they are so easy to get bored. Especially Jessica. It was a whole new experience for me. And somehow it was a combination of good and bad one.
Now that it's been 3 months already, unexpectedly, I've learned so much from these kids. Like how they are so absorbed with their imagination when they're drawing, eventhough it looks just like a messy hard-to-understand scratches to other people's eye (they're 6-7 years old, what do you expect?). But that's the beauty of it, the power of imagination. The images are so vividly alive in their mind! So despite of their 'raw' scratches and scribles they would tell themselves story of each drawing they make. Eventhough it doesn't look like a princess at all, but Jessica would tell the story of a princess with her sister waiting for her mommy outside the castle where a witch is brewing something not far from them. She would tell details while she draws it, like what skirt the princess is wearing and that the sister is wearing a ribbon.
Eric is even a better story teller, like any other boys, he loves a robots-fighting scene with heavy-artilery. So while he draws he would tell how the war goes. Yes, with the sound-effects too, like "Boom!", "Blaar!", "Syuuuuu.." (sound of an airplane flying), "Bang! Bang! Bang!" (he's still an Indonesian after all, so usually he goes with "Dor! Dor! Dor!"), "Awas!", "Mati kau!" and all of that stuffs. Missiles flying everywhere and explosion is essential. It's a World War III going on that drawing paper! It was so amazing!
As a person who draws, and gets paid for doing it, I must admit I've lost most of that fun a long time ago. Yes, I enjoy my self when I'm drawing. Yes, I have some fun. Yes, I let my imagination free. Yes, my drawing gets better and better. But still something is missing, I don't get absorbed into the drawing like it used to. I just sit there drawing a picture, and not get caught in the middle of a war like Eric. The images in my mind are not alive anymore. And how I long to feel it again. I can still remember back then I used to draw for hours and hours untill my dad yelled at me to go to sleep. And those kids remind me of it. And maybe I should end this very long entry right here and start drawing instead..
I just started writing about Eric and Jessica and it ended up this long. Maybe I'm starting to like little kids now.. well, maybe just a bit.
*IndoEnglish: when you speak English the way you speak Bahasa Indo, like "Nanti jatuh loh.." becomes "Later you fall loh..". It's quite similar to Singlish but with Indonesian style.
Okay so 3 months ago my friend told me that he's opening a tuition center and he wanted me to teach for Art & Manga class (whatever 'Art & Manga' means) every Saturday. I said okay, since I always wanted to do some Manga and less Art class which I can't do at my school now. I think it was 2 weeks later after the meeting that my friend called me to start the class that Saturday. But I never thought it would be quite a surprise.
I was expecting junior or high school students, like 12-16 years old. The ones who already have some basics of drawing. But instead of teenagers I was a bit shocked to find 2 cute, tiny and so lovable creatures looking at me with their witty yet innocent eyes as my friend introduced me to them, "This is Jessica, 6 years old. This is her brother Eric, 7 years old". Wait! Two kindergarten kids? A bit panicked I forgot everything I prepared for the session that day. Well it didn't really matter though, since I couldn't do it with 6 and 7 years old kids anyway.
Flashback ~
You see, I avoid teaching anything to kids below 10 years old. I think it has something to do with my experience as an English tutor a long time ago. I taught elementary kids, all boys, from 1st grade to 4th grade. And I found those kids so very slapable! Irritating, annoying, lazy, always playing around, and they couldn't sit still, and cried if I scolded them! Doh! A pain in the ass. Well of course there were one or two kids who were nice, kind and smart but still I never really like to teach kids stuffs like teaching ABC, the name of colors, animal or fruits >.< I dunno, maybe I just don't have the patience for it or maybe I don't like the way I talk when teaching small kids, yes I know you know what I mean!
Just a bit of observation, but I found that those annoying kids had something in common: their parents were never at home. Most of the time, there were only the kids with the maids/babysitters. I think hiring a private tutor for elementary kids can only mean one thing, parents are too busy or too lazy to teach their kids. I mean, it's only elementary school, come on! How hard can the subjects be anyway?!
You don't need a tutor just to teach your kids elementary English, Maths or Science. My mom didn't need it. When I was in elementary school, she taught me everything. She would write down questions for me, help me with my homeworks and review the lessons with me. She didn't understand English (up to this day), but still she taught me the basic stuffs like colors, greetings and animals. And I'm so glad that she did that. If you were a kid, you don't want a stranger to teach you things, you want your mom and dad! Family is the first, and should always be, the best school for a kid (at least before the kid knows Google =P ).
Okay, enough with the flashback ~
Eric and Jessica are smart kids. They talk in cute IndoEnglish* which only makes them even more lovable. And they love to draw! It makes my job a whole lot easier =P But as expected from the first time I saw them, it's not going to be easy. I have to talk in 'that way', you know.. the way you talk to kids.
First, I wanted to teach them how to draw animals, the basic kids stuff: make 2 circles, one is bigger than the other, combine them, draw the eyes, a beak and 2 feet, voila you have a chicken! But they don't want animals. "It's ugly.." Jessica told me. "Well what do you want to draw then?" I said, trying to stay calm and keep my patience. "A princess!" She told me. Well princess it was then.. so I taught her how to draw a beautiful princess with long curly hair plus a castle for her to wait for her prince charming (and now, everytime she draws a princess she draws it the way I taught her. It makes me happy, because I know it will stay with her for a very long time).
But boys don't like princess, so I asked what Eric wanted to draw, and he said, "A robot!" Well robot it was then.. Kids these days, they don't like to draw animals anymore, they prefer princess Barbie or Super Robot Dekaranger >.< And they are so easy to get bored. Especially Jessica. It was a whole new experience for me. And somehow it was a combination of good and bad one.
Now that it's been 3 months already, unexpectedly, I've learned so much from these kids. Like how they are so absorbed with their imagination when they're drawing, eventhough it looks just like a messy hard-to-understand scratches to other people's eye (they're 6-7 years old, what do you expect?). But that's the beauty of it, the power of imagination. The images are so vividly alive in their mind! So despite of their 'raw' scratches and scribles they would tell themselves story of each drawing they make. Eventhough it doesn't look like a princess at all, but Jessica would tell the story of a princess with her sister waiting for her mommy outside the castle where a witch is brewing something not far from them. She would tell details while she draws it, like what skirt the princess is wearing and that the sister is wearing a ribbon.
Eric is even a better story teller, like any other boys, he loves a robots-fighting scene with heavy-artilery. So while he draws he would tell how the war goes. Yes, with the sound-effects too, like "Boom!", "Blaar!", "Syuuuuu.." (sound of an airplane flying), "Bang! Bang! Bang!" (he's still an Indonesian after all, so usually he goes with "Dor! Dor! Dor!"), "Awas!", "Mati kau!" and all of that stuffs. Missiles flying everywhere and explosion is essential. It's a World War III going on that drawing paper! It was so amazing!
As a person who draws, and gets paid for doing it, I must admit I've lost most of that fun a long time ago. Yes, I enjoy my self when I'm drawing. Yes, I have some fun. Yes, I let my imagination free. Yes, my drawing gets better and better. But still something is missing, I don't get absorbed into the drawing like it used to. I just sit there drawing a picture, and not get caught in the middle of a war like Eric. The images in my mind are not alive anymore. And how I long to feel it again. I can still remember back then I used to draw for hours and hours untill my dad yelled at me to go to sleep. And those kids remind me of it. And maybe I should end this very long entry right here and start drawing instead..
I just started writing about Eric and Jessica and it ended up this long. Maybe I'm starting to like little kids now.. well, maybe just a bit.
*IndoEnglish: when you speak English the way you speak Bahasa Indo, like "Nanti jatuh loh.." becomes "Later you fall loh..". It's quite similar to Singlish but with Indonesian style.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Crossroads
My dad has a photo of him with his "gang" buddies, 5 of them, at their 20s. A very good black and white photo. It hangs on the wall at the living room at my parents' house. My dad and his buddies were so close and did things together, chasing girls, travelling and all the things any young guys would do. But once they got married and had a life of their own, only one guy ever visited and contact my dad. And vice versa, my dad never contacted any of them but this one guy either. Looks like when you're geting old and start to go your own seperated life, the friendship that you thought would last forever seems just like a dream. It has become just another wonderful memories of the past.
Back then, I used to look at the photo and think about me and my "gang" buddies. I always thought that there's no way we would end up like my dad's gang. We were inseparable. We were closer than brothers. We would die for each other. We would get old together. We would have our own kids and they also would be buddies like us. Yeah I remember we used to talk about it and had a good laugh. But now I'm sitting here and writing about this in past tense format. It's coming to an end.
*Flashback~
As teenagers we all have to go through a phase of life where you start to learn to live socially, it's not just you and your family anymore, friends have become the most important part of your life. You spend most of your time with them. You trust them more than anyone. Your favorite words are solidarity and hang out. You discover so many new things with them, the good ones and the bad ones. You don't mind being scolded and grounded by your parents for them. You start to realize how fun it is being a part of a group which shares the same interests and watches your back. Having fun will never be the same again. And friendship has a new meaning. And for me, it all started when I was at the third year of Junior Highschool, the time when I found my buddies.
Since then there had never been a single day that I'm not with them. There had never been a day when I spend my time alone. Happy times, bad times, they were always be there for me and vice versa. And when I go to Senior Highschool it just got better. More and more buddies and more and more activities and new experiences.
Now those times are gone. Now they're not here anymore. We've been at the crossroads together and each of us has gone a different paths.
My bestest friend has gone to and working as an illegal worker in Japan, to fight for his dream. We barely contact now, eventhough we have emails and internet it's just not the same. The only thing I can do is praying that he would find what he's looking for. One of my buddies, went back to Kalimantan dan continue his parents business, we can only see each other once in every few months. The other guy has started his own business and keep travelling all over the country to market his products. And the girls, they're busy with their boyfriends and preparing for marriage and all that. The others are busy with jobs and business. We barely hang out together anymore. Maybe just once in a year, if somebody is getting maried or celebrating birthdays. Aside from those events we never see each other anymore. And I'm getting lonely. I miss the old good times.
Of course, life must go on. And I have found new buddies now. They're great and wonderful. I'm grateful that I've found them. But still nothing can ever replace those memories I had with my old buddies. They are a part of who I am today.
Our friendship is still there. We still have each other. But it's not the same anymore now. I don't want to believe it, but it's happening. Is it true that friendship doesn't last forever once we have chosen different life paths?
Ahh I miss them so much now..
My dad has a photo of him with his "gang" buddies, 5 of them, at their 20s. A very good black and white photo. It hangs on the wall at the living room at my parents' house. My dad and his buddies were so close and did things together, chasing girls, travelling and all the things any young guys would do. But once they got married and had a life of their own, only one guy ever visited and contact my dad. And vice versa, my dad never contacted any of them but this one guy either. Looks like when you're geting old and start to go your own seperated life, the friendship that you thought would last forever seems just like a dream. It has become just another wonderful memories of the past.
Back then, I used to look at the photo and think about me and my "gang" buddies. I always thought that there's no way we would end up like my dad's gang. We were inseparable. We were closer than brothers. We would die for each other. We would get old together. We would have our own kids and they also would be buddies like us. Yeah I remember we used to talk about it and had a good laugh. But now I'm sitting here and writing about this in past tense format. It's coming to an end.
*Flashback~
As teenagers we all have to go through a phase of life where you start to learn to live socially, it's not just you and your family anymore, friends have become the most important part of your life. You spend most of your time with them. You trust them more than anyone. Your favorite words are solidarity and hang out. You discover so many new things with them, the good ones and the bad ones. You don't mind being scolded and grounded by your parents for them. You start to realize how fun it is being a part of a group which shares the same interests and watches your back. Having fun will never be the same again. And friendship has a new meaning. And for me, it all started when I was at the third year of Junior Highschool, the time when I found my buddies.
Since then there had never been a single day that I'm not with them. There had never been a day when I spend my time alone. Happy times, bad times, they were always be there for me and vice versa. And when I go to Senior Highschool it just got better. More and more buddies and more and more activities and new experiences.
Now those times are gone. Now they're not here anymore. We've been at the crossroads together and each of us has gone a different paths.
My bestest friend has gone to and working as an illegal worker in Japan, to fight for his dream. We barely contact now, eventhough we have emails and internet it's just not the same. The only thing I can do is praying that he would find what he's looking for. One of my buddies, went back to Kalimantan dan continue his parents business, we can only see each other once in every few months. The other guy has started his own business and keep travelling all over the country to market his products. And the girls, they're busy with their boyfriends and preparing for marriage and all that. The others are busy with jobs and business. We barely hang out together anymore. Maybe just once in a year, if somebody is getting maried or celebrating birthdays. Aside from those events we never see each other anymore. And I'm getting lonely. I miss the old good times.
Of course, life must go on. And I have found new buddies now. They're great and wonderful. I'm grateful that I've found them. But still nothing can ever replace those memories I had with my old buddies. They are a part of who I am today.
Our friendship is still there. We still have each other. But it's not the same anymore now. I don't want to believe it, but it's happening. Is it true that friendship doesn't last forever once we have chosen different life paths?
Ahh I miss them so much now..
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Like Breathing
Sungguh mengejutkan betapa kita selalu take for granted certain things yang terbiasa kita lakukan dan alami. Dan sungguh mengejutkan ketika kita sadar bahwa begitu susah bagi orang lain buat melakukan dan mengalami hal-hal tersebut. Dan sungguh mengejutkan betapa kita membutuhkan waktu begitu lama untuk menyadarinya. And it happened to me two days ago.
Hari Senin, 26 September kemarin adalah hari pertama dimulainya term 2 di sekolah gue. Dan gue berencana untuk mengajarkan Perspective Drawing ke anak-anak secondary 1. Gue dah buat 8 halaman fotokopian untuk dibagiin ke semua anak sec 1, semacem introduction tentang Perspective Drawing dan termasuk 1 tutorial sederhana on how to draw buildings using perspective points. Dan kayaknya seh gue udah coba bikin sesederhana mungkin supaya bisa di mengerti oleh anak-anak 12 or 13 years old. Tapi siangnya waktu gue bagiin tuh fotokopian dan mulai nerangin tentang Perspective Drawing di salah satu kelas, I saw so many confused faces. I had so many questions from the kids and so many "Sir, help me here!" and "Sir, how do I do it?". And this class is one of the top classes filled with bright, intelligent kids. But of course there are also some kids who got it and did very good.
Well mungkin fotokopian yang gue bikin terlalu rumit, or maybe I didn't explain it simple enough. But all this time I have believed that simple Perspective Drawing is kids' stuff. It is so easy that even without explanation, even just by looking at and taking some time to observe the example pictures, everybody and I mean EVERYBODY, will get it almost immediately. Okay, maybe I have learned about advanced Perspective Drawing when I was in the Uni. But I remember the first time somebody taught me about simple Perspective Drawing was my mom (she's not artistically trained) and I was only 8 or 9 years old back then. I don't even remember how she taught me, but I knew I got it immediately and was able to do it by myself then. When I looked at pictures, it just all made sense to me. In my mind, I could even see the perspective lines floating all over any pictures. Tapi ternyata tidak semudah itu for other people.
I have been taking my artistic ability for granted all this time. I thought it's just an ability that everybody has. Padahal hal yang sama juga terjadi pada diri gue selama ini, bagaimana gue begitu susah untuk mengerti apa itu accounting, why do we need accounting, and how to deal with those numbers and tables while on the other hands ada orang-orang yang dengan begitu mudahnya bisa kerjain dari nol sampai berupa laporan keuangan yang lengkap. Betapa susahnya Maths buat gue padahal for some people they just see all those equations, variables and numbers and it all makes sense to them and they can just do it in no time at all. How hard it is for me to master sweepicking guitar technique when I've been practising it for years (it's true!) while for my friend it's just a matter of a few hours. Betapa susahnya bagi orang untuk mengerti English or any other languages no matter how hard they study while for some other people it's like eating cookies that have been dipped into a glass of milk; soft, yummy and don't even need to chew them.
I mean, we may not be Michelangelo or Mozart, Bill Gates or Einstein, Karl Marx or Newton, tapi kejadian kemarin itu reminds me that we do have our own gift which we are born with. A gift that is special for each other. And we have been taking it for granted. Sometimes we even think that other people are just too stupid that they don't even understand the simple things that we do effortlessly. Padahal kalo kita sampe berpikir seperti itu, justru kita yang stupid. It's never their fault if they don't get it, it's never our fault if we don't get it. It never does.
~
Paniccela
Hari ini skul gue di bubarin early, jem 11 anak-anak dah disuruh pada balik. Knapa? Yah you know why. Antisipasi atas heboh-heboh demonstrasi dan segala macemnya akibat harga BBM naek. Takut kerusuhan, takut ntar pada gak bisa pulang, takut ini, takut itu.. the same old shits.
Semua guru-guru expatriate pada panik, khususnya yang dari Singapore, karena mereka gak pernah ngalamin yang model begini. Gak pernah ngalamin deg-degan takut kerusuhan gara-gara harga BBM naek. It's a new experience for them. And it's quite funny seh gimana kalo kita di sini malah udah terbiasa banget denger rumor soal kerusuhan, demo-demo, bom dsb dan malah biasanya gak terlalu di tanggepin. Yah gue mencoba menenangkan mereka seh, "It's not that bad.." gue selalu bilang gitu tiap kali ngobrol sama mereka. Padahal dalam hati gue bilangnya "Hopefully.."
Orang-orang yang demo atau yang mao rusuh, pokoknya yang punya niat jelek di saat-saat sekarang ini, aduhh udah dunk please.. jangan bikin malu Indonesia lagi lah. Sedih banget kalo mikirinnya. Kalo orang Indo yang jelek-jelekin Indo seh gapapa deh, it's our own country. Jelek atau baik tetep aja it's our country. Tapi kalo denger orang luar negeri ngomong jelek soal Indonesia.. somehow jadi sedih, malu, dan kesel, "Duh! Indonesia tuh gak sejelek itu tau!" Pengen banget gue ngomong kek gitu keras-keras >.< Tapi gue tau, sekeras apapun gue teriak, keadaan gak bakalan berubah.. gak bakalan. *sigh..*
Sungguh mengejutkan betapa kita selalu take for granted certain things yang terbiasa kita lakukan dan alami. Dan sungguh mengejutkan ketika kita sadar bahwa begitu susah bagi orang lain buat melakukan dan mengalami hal-hal tersebut. Dan sungguh mengejutkan betapa kita membutuhkan waktu begitu lama untuk menyadarinya. And it happened to me two days ago.
Hari Senin, 26 September kemarin adalah hari pertama dimulainya term 2 di sekolah gue. Dan gue berencana untuk mengajarkan Perspective Drawing ke anak-anak secondary 1. Gue dah buat 8 halaman fotokopian untuk dibagiin ke semua anak sec 1, semacem introduction tentang Perspective Drawing dan termasuk 1 tutorial sederhana on how to draw buildings using perspective points. Dan kayaknya seh gue udah coba bikin sesederhana mungkin supaya bisa di mengerti oleh anak-anak 12 or 13 years old. Tapi siangnya waktu gue bagiin tuh fotokopian dan mulai nerangin tentang Perspective Drawing di salah satu kelas, I saw so many confused faces. I had so many questions from the kids and so many "Sir, help me here!" and "Sir, how do I do it?". And this class is one of the top classes filled with bright, intelligent kids. But of course there are also some kids who got it and did very good.
Well mungkin fotokopian yang gue bikin terlalu rumit, or maybe I didn't explain it simple enough. But all this time I have believed that simple Perspective Drawing is kids' stuff. It is so easy that even without explanation, even just by looking at and taking some time to observe the example pictures, everybody and I mean EVERYBODY, will get it almost immediately. Okay, maybe I have learned about advanced Perspective Drawing when I was in the Uni. But I remember the first time somebody taught me about simple Perspective Drawing was my mom (she's not artistically trained) and I was only 8 or 9 years old back then. I don't even remember how she taught me, but I knew I got it immediately and was able to do it by myself then. When I looked at pictures, it just all made sense to me. In my mind, I could even see the perspective lines floating all over any pictures. Tapi ternyata tidak semudah itu for other people.
I have been taking my artistic ability for granted all this time. I thought it's just an ability that everybody has. Padahal hal yang sama juga terjadi pada diri gue selama ini, bagaimana gue begitu susah untuk mengerti apa itu accounting, why do we need accounting, and how to deal with those numbers and tables while on the other hands ada orang-orang yang dengan begitu mudahnya bisa kerjain dari nol sampai berupa laporan keuangan yang lengkap. Betapa susahnya Maths buat gue padahal for some people they just see all those equations, variables and numbers and it all makes sense to them and they can just do it in no time at all. How hard it is for me to master sweepicking guitar technique when I've been practising it for years (it's true!) while for my friend it's just a matter of a few hours. Betapa susahnya bagi orang untuk mengerti English or any other languages no matter how hard they study while for some other people it's like eating cookies that have been dipped into a glass of milk; soft, yummy and don't even need to chew them.
I mean, we may not be Michelangelo or Mozart, Bill Gates or Einstein, Karl Marx or Newton, tapi kejadian kemarin itu reminds me that we do have our own gift which we are born with. A gift that is special for each other. And we have been taking it for granted. Sometimes we even think that other people are just too stupid that they don't even understand the simple things that we do effortlessly. Padahal kalo kita sampe berpikir seperti itu, justru kita yang stupid. It's never their fault if they don't get it, it's never our fault if we don't get it. It never does.
~
Paniccela
Hari ini skul gue di bubarin early, jem 11 anak-anak dah disuruh pada balik. Knapa? Yah you know why. Antisipasi atas heboh-heboh demonstrasi dan segala macemnya akibat harga BBM naek. Takut kerusuhan, takut ntar pada gak bisa pulang, takut ini, takut itu.. the same old shits.
Semua guru-guru expatriate pada panik, khususnya yang dari Singapore, karena mereka gak pernah ngalamin yang model begini. Gak pernah ngalamin deg-degan takut kerusuhan gara-gara harga BBM naek. It's a new experience for them. And it's quite funny seh gimana kalo kita di sini malah udah terbiasa banget denger rumor soal kerusuhan, demo-demo, bom dsb dan malah biasanya gak terlalu di tanggepin. Yah gue mencoba menenangkan mereka seh, "It's not that bad.." gue selalu bilang gitu tiap kali ngobrol sama mereka. Padahal dalam hati gue bilangnya "Hopefully.."
Orang-orang yang demo atau yang mao rusuh, pokoknya yang punya niat jelek di saat-saat sekarang ini, aduhh udah dunk please.. jangan bikin malu Indonesia lagi lah. Sedih banget kalo mikirinnya. Kalo orang Indo yang jelek-jelekin Indo seh gapapa deh, it's our own country. Jelek atau baik tetep aja it's our country. Tapi kalo denger orang luar negeri ngomong jelek soal Indonesia.. somehow jadi sedih, malu, dan kesel, "Duh! Indonesia tuh gak sejelek itu tau!" Pengen banget gue ngomong kek gitu keras-keras >.< Tapi gue tau, sekeras apapun gue teriak, keadaan gak bakalan berubah.. gak bakalan. *sigh..*
Thursday, September 08, 2005
The Mug Tale
A few weeks ago, one of my students that I no longer teach gave me a mug for putting my stationaries. She bought it for me because she saw my pens and markers were always scattered around everywhere on my desk. I just love the mug!
~
To Be Or Not To Be
The last September 1 was Teacher's Day. Well at least in some part of the world like Singapore. Since my school is Singaporean Based school so we had holiday on that day and a little celebration the day before. And the teachers had an exquisite dinner at Shangrilla Hotel that night. All paid by the school! =P
I got some Happy Teacher's Day greeting cards from my students, most of them were hand made. And one of them was from a girl that I no longer teach because she's in upper level now. I was so happy. It was a very simple hand made blue card but it was special because eventhough I only taught her for several months last year, she remembers me. And what's more, I also got 2 bars of Toblerone from a Sec 1 student. Yummy!
I don't know, is it just me or I feel this kind of student-teacher culture I have at the school where I work is different from what I knew and experienced during all my studentship back in the school days. Here at my school, every now and then, my students would come to me and talk about their family, about their romance problems, sometimes even about spiritual stuffs or just talk about anything at all.
At first I thought it was because I'm still young and speak to them in their language and bacause I don't really give a damn about a noise or two during my class, but then I saw that even the fierceful, very strict and older teachers can get very close to their students. And it also has nothing to do with bribing for a higher marks because they really can't get anything from me since my subject is not even included in the academic certificate. They can get E for Art and it won't effect their grades at all. It's just the culture they have there. And I think it is a very nice culture. Which we don't have in our local schools.
I remembered back then I didn't even talk much with my teachers. Yes, I had some favorite teachers who were nice to me, but still I had never thought of getting personal. Since they never tried to get personal with me either. It was all pure academical and school matters only. I wouldn't think of telling them the story of my family or my romance problem. Teachers arent's suppose to get personal with students, are they? And you already know what they are going to say to you, all those good and morally correct stuffs. They're teachers, what do you expect?
But when I think about the best teacher I have ever had, it was my pastor back in my old church (just FYI, I don't go to church anymore. There'll be more postings about this later). Beside all his wisdom and perfect spirituality I saw back then, what made him so influential to me was his willingness to get dirty with me. He was not afraid to get personal and be disturbed by my stupid little problems. He was the one who understood me better than my family and my friends. He was a great role model for me. I owe most of my basic spirituality fundamental and philosophical wisdom to him. I wouldn't be the man I am today if I have never met him. So many people's life and hearts have been touched by his life. He inspires people to be a better man. He is a very influential guy.
Now these days, I heard so much about people trying to be influential, from the religious people, musicians, to the assholes out there. I even have read a blog of a 16 year-old girl who wants to be the savior of the world, she wants to be influential so much that she invited everybody who has any problems at all to come and talk to her. She'll help them out anyway she can, at least that's what she said.
Psychiatrists' job is to help people solve their problems, but are they influential persons who touch people's hearts and lifes? Maybe some are. But I don't think most are. Because they're not getting personal with their patients. They don't get dirty with their patients' shits. All they do is analyzing the shits from far away while avoiding the smell and tell their patients how to take care of their shits alone. That's why I saw that girl as a little kid who thinks that she's influential while she's actually playing Freudian.
When you think about it, unless you're a very rich and powerful person, there's no way you can be influential without getting personal. There's no way you can touch people's life without getting dirty with their shits. It's not about your wisdom, your smart brain, your philosophical quotes or your ability to solve problems. It's about being personal. Getting into people's life and touch them from within. That's why your close friends are influential to you as you are to them. That's why most couples that break-up after a long periode of relationship find themselves have changed so much. That's why a song about broken hearted is more influential then any other songs. Because it is personal to everybody. It's our shit and somebody is feeling the same thing and singing about our shit. It's personal.
It what Jesus did back then. He wasn't playing Freudian and Bill Gates. He influenced people simply by just being around them. He wasn't trying to change the world, he was only trying to change and touch the hearts and lifes of the people close to him. He hung around with prostitutes, he ate with tax collectors, he share beds with smelly fishermen, he didn't afraid to get dirty. He swam in their pool of shits. And we all know what those people did afterwards. They changed the world.
But getting personal is not as simple as it may sounds. It needs a lot of emotions, energy and time. At some times it even dries everybody out. Especially when you're trying too hard. And eventhough it's a positive influence you're emitting, and eventhough you have already gotten so personal as much as you can to someone, it really doesn't mean that it would stay that way forever. That's why people don't want to get personal too much any more these day if they don't see the benefits of it. It's too risky and exhausting. It cost Jesus his life. Was it worthed? I don't know. You tell me.
If you don't understand what the hell I am talking about here, it's totally not your fault. Afterall it's just another useless mumbling of mine. In fact I wasn't planning on writing something sounds so churchy, it was suppose to be just a rant about being influential. I don't even know how the hell it came to this point. Lol.
A few weeks ago, one of my students that I no longer teach gave me a mug for putting my stationaries. She bought it for me because she saw my pens and markers were always scattered around everywhere on my desk. I just love the mug!
~
To Be Or Not To Be
The last September 1 was Teacher's Day. Well at least in some part of the world like Singapore. Since my school is Singaporean Based school so we had holiday on that day and a little celebration the day before. And the teachers had an exquisite dinner at Shangrilla Hotel that night. All paid by the school! =P
I got some Happy Teacher's Day greeting cards from my students, most of them were hand made. And one of them was from a girl that I no longer teach because she's in upper level now. I was so happy. It was a very simple hand made blue card but it was special because eventhough I only taught her for several months last year, she remembers me. And what's more, I also got 2 bars of Toblerone from a Sec 1 student. Yummy!
I don't know, is it just me or I feel this kind of student-teacher culture I have at the school where I work is different from what I knew and experienced during all my studentship back in the school days. Here at my school, every now and then, my students would come to me and talk about their family, about their romance problems, sometimes even about spiritual stuffs or just talk about anything at all.
At first I thought it was because I'm still young and speak to them in their language and bacause I don't really give a damn about a noise or two during my class, but then I saw that even the fierceful, very strict and older teachers can get very close to their students. And it also has nothing to do with bribing for a higher marks because they really can't get anything from me since my subject is not even included in the academic certificate. They can get E for Art and it won't effect their grades at all. It's just the culture they have there. And I think it is a very nice culture. Which we don't have in our local schools.
I remembered back then I didn't even talk much with my teachers. Yes, I had some favorite teachers who were nice to me, but still I had never thought of getting personal. Since they never tried to get personal with me either. It was all pure academical and school matters only. I wouldn't think of telling them the story of my family or my romance problem. Teachers arent's suppose to get personal with students, are they? And you already know what they are going to say to you, all those good and morally correct stuffs. They're teachers, what do you expect?
But when I think about the best teacher I have ever had, it was my pastor back in my old church (just FYI, I don't go to church anymore. There'll be more postings about this later). Beside all his wisdom and perfect spirituality I saw back then, what made him so influential to me was his willingness to get dirty with me. He was not afraid to get personal and be disturbed by my stupid little problems. He was the one who understood me better than my family and my friends. He was a great role model for me. I owe most of my basic spirituality fundamental and philosophical wisdom to him. I wouldn't be the man I am today if I have never met him. So many people's life and hearts have been touched by his life. He inspires people to be a better man. He is a very influential guy.
Now these days, I heard so much about people trying to be influential, from the religious people, musicians, to the assholes out there. I even have read a blog of a 16 year-old girl who wants to be the savior of the world, she wants to be influential so much that she invited everybody who has any problems at all to come and talk to her. She'll help them out anyway she can, at least that's what she said.
Psychiatrists' job is to help people solve their problems, but are they influential persons who touch people's hearts and lifes? Maybe some are. But I don't think most are. Because they're not getting personal with their patients. They don't get dirty with their patients' shits. All they do is analyzing the shits from far away while avoiding the smell and tell their patients how to take care of their shits alone. That's why I saw that girl as a little kid who thinks that she's influential while she's actually playing Freudian.
When you think about it, unless you're a very rich and powerful person, there's no way you can be influential without getting personal. There's no way you can touch people's life without getting dirty with their shits. It's not about your wisdom, your smart brain, your philosophical quotes or your ability to solve problems. It's about being personal. Getting into people's life and touch them from within. That's why your close friends are influential to you as you are to them. That's why most couples that break-up after a long periode of relationship find themselves have changed so much. That's why a song about broken hearted is more influential then any other songs. Because it is personal to everybody. It's our shit and somebody is feeling the same thing and singing about our shit. It's personal.
It what Jesus did back then. He wasn't playing Freudian and Bill Gates. He influenced people simply by just being around them. He wasn't trying to change the world, he was only trying to change and touch the hearts and lifes of the people close to him. He hung around with prostitutes, he ate with tax collectors, he share beds with smelly fishermen, he didn't afraid to get dirty. He swam in their pool of shits. And we all know what those people did afterwards. They changed the world.
But getting personal is not as simple as it may sounds. It needs a lot of emotions, energy and time. At some times it even dries everybody out. Especially when you're trying too hard. And eventhough it's a positive influence you're emitting, and eventhough you have already gotten so personal as much as you can to someone, it really doesn't mean that it would stay that way forever. That's why people don't want to get personal too much any more these day if they don't see the benefits of it. It's too risky and exhausting. It cost Jesus his life. Was it worthed? I don't know. You tell me.
If you don't understand what the hell I am talking about here, it's totally not your fault. Afterall it's just another useless mumbling of mine. In fact I wasn't planning on writing something sounds so churchy, it was suppose to be just a rant about being influential. I don't even know how the hell it came to this point. Lol.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Cableless..
Koneksi cable gue dah putus! >.< Dua temen kos gue yang selama ini share koneksi cable bareng-bareng pindah ke tempat lain, jadi gue dengan terpaksa harus mutusin koneksi cablenya karena gak kuat kalo bayar sendiri. Gue berencana buat pake Matrix mulai minggu depan. Sebenernya males banget dari cable pindah ke Matrix, kayak abis naek mobil trus pindah naek bajaj, perbedaan speednya pasti bikin browsing jadi nyebelin. Cuma yah, demi memenuhi kebutuhan dasar manusia akan suatu interaksi sosial, yang semu sebenernya, so bajaj pun jadilah! Dan untuk sementara gue bakalan konek pake koneksi di sekolah dulu. Meskipun gue harus menahan diri untuk tidak membanting mouse yang macet dan berteriak kesel gara-gara koneksi yang super bego.
~
L4 (Love Lagi Love Lagi)
Banyak blog yang membicarakan soal Indonesia sehubungan dengan peringatan kemerdekaan Indonesia 17 Agustus kemarin. Sebagian blogger berbicara tentang kemuakan, kekesalan, dan keapatisannya terhadap bangsa ini namun cukup banyak juga yang membicarakan tentang harapan, kebaikan dan cintanya pada negeri ini.
Membaca tulisan-tulisan yang masuk pada kategori ke-2, membuat gue bertanya-tanya mengenai cinta. Yah, lagi-lagi cinta. But what can you say? There's no such thing as 'too much' if the conversation is about love.
Kalau gue pikir-pikir, cinta itu dapat dirasakan apabila ada perbandingan. Ada perubahan atau perbedaan pada sesuatu yang kita rasakan. Loe jatuh cinta pada seseorang karena ada perbedaan pada sesuatu yang loe rasakan dari orang itu dibandingkan dengan apa yang loe rasakan dengan orang lain. Loe merasa dia lebih baik atau lebih menarik atau lebih membuat loe nyaman atau apapun alasan 'lebih' lainnya, dibandingkan orang lain. Loe cinta orang tua loe karena loe merasa hidup loe akan berbeda tanpa mereka. Loe merasa perbedaan yang sangat jelas ketika loe bersama orang tua loe dibandingkan ketika loe bersama orang lain. Loe suka dengan film tertentu, lagu tertentu, makanan tertentu karena ada perbedaan perasaan yang loe rasakan dibandingkan terhadap film, lagu atau makanan lainnya. Sepertinya cinta hadir ketika ada perbedaan atas apa yang kita rasakan terhadap satu hal dibandingkan dengan apa yang kita rasakan terhadap hal lainnya. Dan sebaliknya kita tahu kita tidak lagi mencintai seseorang ketika perbedaan perasaan itu tidak lagi kita rasakan. Kita merasa kosong dan datar.
Benarkah begitu? Ataukah cinta itu sesuatu yang independen yang mungkin hadir tanpa pemicu apapun? Bagaimana dengan hal-hal yang tidak memiliki pemicu ataupun pembanding?
Gue belun pernah ke negara manapun di luar Indonesia. Sejak lahir hingga 25 tahun usia gue saat ini, belun pernah sekalipun gue menginjakkan kaki di luar garis batas 6 derajat LU - 11 derajat LS, 95 derajat BT - 141 derajat BT. Lalu bagaimana gue bisa mengatakan kalau gue cinta Indonesia? Apakah pernyataan bahwa gue cinta Indonesia valid adanya? Berbeda dengan orang-orang yang tinggal atau minimal pernah berada di negeri lain selain Indonesia, gue sama sekali gak bisa bilang bahwa Indonesia lebih menarik dari Singapore. Gue gak bisa bilang bahwa Indonesia lebih baik daripada Amerika. Gue gak bisa bilang bahwa Indonesia lebih nyaman daripada Australia. Karena gue sama sekali belun pernah ke sana dan mengalami sendiri perbedaan perasaan itu.
Seorang guru yang berasal dari Singapore di tempat gue bekerja bercerita bahwa dia mencintai Indonesia. Dia bahkan menyatakan "I wish I'm an Indonesian". Dia bisa menyebutkan segala macam hal yang membuatnya merasa demikian. Dia merasa lebih rileks di Indonesia. Dia menikmati suasana Indonesia. Dia menyukai makanan Indonesia. Dia mencintai Indonesia lebih daripada dia menyukai negara asalnya. Dia merasakan perbedaan perasaan itu.
Di satu sisi, hal itu membuat gue bangga akan negeri ini namun di sisi lain hal itu membuat gue bertanya-tanya lagi (gue memang orang yang mencintai pertanyaan, karena ada perbedaan perasaan ketika gue bertanya dibandingkan ketika gue tidak bertanya). Apakah pernyataan bahwa gue cinta Indonesia adalah sama seperti ucapan seorang yang sok tau yang bilang kalau apel itu adalah buah paling enak padahal gue belun pernah mencicipi buah-buahan yang lain? Akankah perasaan ini berubah ketika gue melihat kerennya Tokyo, nyamannya Paris, dan kebebasan berekspresinya Amerika? Sama seperti seseorang yang selingkuh dari pasangan yang sebelumnya dicintainya karena bertemu orang lain yang lebih baik dan membuatnya merasakan perbedaan perasaan yang sangat signifikan?
Apakah pernyataan bahwa gue cinta Indonesia adalah semata-mata penghiburan diri belaka atas ketidakmampuan gue untuk menikmati apa yang ada di luar sana? Apakah ini seperti sebuah situasi di mana loe stuck pada satu hal tanpa punya pilihan apa-apa kecuali memutuskan untuk mencintai hal itu atau hidup dalam keluhan? Seperti misalnya apabila loe stuck dengan sebuah pekerjaan yang loe gak gitu suka tapi loe gak punya pilihan lain, so loe memutuskan untuk mencintai pekerjaan loe daripada harus mengeluh terus setiap hari. Atau seperti saat loe memutuskan untuk mencintai seseorang tertentu karena loe merasa gak punya pilihan lain tapi loe gak mao berakhir kesepian di penghujung hidup loe.
Gue ngerti bahwa menghibur diri dan memutuskan untuk mencintai memang lebih baik daripada tenggelam dalam keluhan dan kekecewaan, namun apakah itu berarti bahwa cinta gue kurang tulus dibanding orang-orang yang mempunyai pilihan-pilihan lain dan memutuskan hal tersebut di tengah-tengah kebebasannya memilih? Apakah itu berarti cinta itu adalah sesuatu yang dapat dikondisikan? Is it good or is it bad? Gue juga gak tau, bahkan gue gak tau sama sekali jawaban dari semua pertanyaan yang gue tulis dari tadi. Ini emang cuma pemikiran gak jelas yang gue dapet waktu lagi makan siang kemaren ini. Namun terlepas dari semua permasalahan ini, gue tau apa yang gue rasakan saat ini. Gue cinta Indonesia.
Mungkin cinta itu memang buta. Mungkin..
Koneksi cable gue dah putus! >.< Dua temen kos gue yang selama ini share koneksi cable bareng-bareng pindah ke tempat lain, jadi gue dengan terpaksa harus mutusin koneksi cablenya karena gak kuat kalo bayar sendiri. Gue berencana buat pake Matrix mulai minggu depan. Sebenernya males banget dari cable pindah ke Matrix, kayak abis naek mobil trus pindah naek bajaj, perbedaan speednya pasti bikin browsing jadi nyebelin. Cuma yah, demi memenuhi kebutuhan dasar manusia akan suatu interaksi sosial, yang semu sebenernya, so bajaj pun jadilah! Dan untuk sementara gue bakalan konek pake koneksi di sekolah dulu. Meskipun gue harus menahan diri untuk tidak membanting mouse yang macet dan berteriak kesel gara-gara koneksi yang super bego.
~
L4 (Love Lagi Love Lagi)
Banyak blog yang membicarakan soal Indonesia sehubungan dengan peringatan kemerdekaan Indonesia 17 Agustus kemarin. Sebagian blogger berbicara tentang kemuakan, kekesalan, dan keapatisannya terhadap bangsa ini namun cukup banyak juga yang membicarakan tentang harapan, kebaikan dan cintanya pada negeri ini.
Membaca tulisan-tulisan yang masuk pada kategori ke-2, membuat gue bertanya-tanya mengenai cinta. Yah, lagi-lagi cinta. But what can you say? There's no such thing as 'too much' if the conversation is about love.
Kalau gue pikir-pikir, cinta itu dapat dirasakan apabila ada perbandingan. Ada perubahan atau perbedaan pada sesuatu yang kita rasakan. Loe jatuh cinta pada seseorang karena ada perbedaan pada sesuatu yang loe rasakan dari orang itu dibandingkan dengan apa yang loe rasakan dengan orang lain. Loe merasa dia lebih baik atau lebih menarik atau lebih membuat loe nyaman atau apapun alasan 'lebih' lainnya, dibandingkan orang lain. Loe cinta orang tua loe karena loe merasa hidup loe akan berbeda tanpa mereka. Loe merasa perbedaan yang sangat jelas ketika loe bersama orang tua loe dibandingkan ketika loe bersama orang lain. Loe suka dengan film tertentu, lagu tertentu, makanan tertentu karena ada perbedaan perasaan yang loe rasakan dibandingkan terhadap film, lagu atau makanan lainnya. Sepertinya cinta hadir ketika ada perbedaan atas apa yang kita rasakan terhadap satu hal dibandingkan dengan apa yang kita rasakan terhadap hal lainnya. Dan sebaliknya kita tahu kita tidak lagi mencintai seseorang ketika perbedaan perasaan itu tidak lagi kita rasakan. Kita merasa kosong dan datar.
Benarkah begitu? Ataukah cinta itu sesuatu yang independen yang mungkin hadir tanpa pemicu apapun? Bagaimana dengan hal-hal yang tidak memiliki pemicu ataupun pembanding?
Gue belun pernah ke negara manapun di luar Indonesia. Sejak lahir hingga 25 tahun usia gue saat ini, belun pernah sekalipun gue menginjakkan kaki di luar garis batas 6 derajat LU - 11 derajat LS, 95 derajat BT - 141 derajat BT. Lalu bagaimana gue bisa mengatakan kalau gue cinta Indonesia? Apakah pernyataan bahwa gue cinta Indonesia valid adanya? Berbeda dengan orang-orang yang tinggal atau minimal pernah berada di negeri lain selain Indonesia, gue sama sekali gak bisa bilang bahwa Indonesia lebih menarik dari Singapore. Gue gak bisa bilang bahwa Indonesia lebih baik daripada Amerika. Gue gak bisa bilang bahwa Indonesia lebih nyaman daripada Australia. Karena gue sama sekali belun pernah ke sana dan mengalami sendiri perbedaan perasaan itu.
Seorang guru yang berasal dari Singapore di tempat gue bekerja bercerita bahwa dia mencintai Indonesia. Dia bahkan menyatakan "I wish I'm an Indonesian". Dia bisa menyebutkan segala macam hal yang membuatnya merasa demikian. Dia merasa lebih rileks di Indonesia. Dia menikmati suasana Indonesia. Dia menyukai makanan Indonesia. Dia mencintai Indonesia lebih daripada dia menyukai negara asalnya. Dia merasakan perbedaan perasaan itu.
Di satu sisi, hal itu membuat gue bangga akan negeri ini namun di sisi lain hal itu membuat gue bertanya-tanya lagi (gue memang orang yang mencintai pertanyaan, karena ada perbedaan perasaan ketika gue bertanya dibandingkan ketika gue tidak bertanya). Apakah pernyataan bahwa gue cinta Indonesia adalah sama seperti ucapan seorang yang sok tau yang bilang kalau apel itu adalah buah paling enak padahal gue belun pernah mencicipi buah-buahan yang lain? Akankah perasaan ini berubah ketika gue melihat kerennya Tokyo, nyamannya Paris, dan kebebasan berekspresinya Amerika? Sama seperti seseorang yang selingkuh dari pasangan yang sebelumnya dicintainya karena bertemu orang lain yang lebih baik dan membuatnya merasakan perbedaan perasaan yang sangat signifikan?
Apakah pernyataan bahwa gue cinta Indonesia adalah semata-mata penghiburan diri belaka atas ketidakmampuan gue untuk menikmati apa yang ada di luar sana? Apakah ini seperti sebuah situasi di mana loe stuck pada satu hal tanpa punya pilihan apa-apa kecuali memutuskan untuk mencintai hal itu atau hidup dalam keluhan? Seperti misalnya apabila loe stuck dengan sebuah pekerjaan yang loe gak gitu suka tapi loe gak punya pilihan lain, so loe memutuskan untuk mencintai pekerjaan loe daripada harus mengeluh terus setiap hari. Atau seperti saat loe memutuskan untuk mencintai seseorang tertentu karena loe merasa gak punya pilihan lain tapi loe gak mao berakhir kesepian di penghujung hidup loe.
Gue ngerti bahwa menghibur diri dan memutuskan untuk mencintai memang lebih baik daripada tenggelam dalam keluhan dan kekecewaan, namun apakah itu berarti bahwa cinta gue kurang tulus dibanding orang-orang yang mempunyai pilihan-pilihan lain dan memutuskan hal tersebut di tengah-tengah kebebasannya memilih? Apakah itu berarti cinta itu adalah sesuatu yang dapat dikondisikan? Is it good or is it bad? Gue juga gak tau, bahkan gue gak tau sama sekali jawaban dari semua pertanyaan yang gue tulis dari tadi. Ini emang cuma pemikiran gak jelas yang gue dapet waktu lagi makan siang kemaren ini. Namun terlepas dari semua permasalahan ini, gue tau apa yang gue rasakan saat ini. Gue cinta Indonesia.
Mungkin cinta itu memang buta. Mungkin..
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Stretching My Hand
Kemaren ini iseng-iseng nggambar di skul pas lagi ga ada kerjaan, eh lumayan juga jadinya hehehe.. Pencil on BC, edited in Photoshop.
~
Sebuah artikel yang cukup panjang dalam rangka memperingati 60 tahun Dirgahayu Indonesia.
There's Something In The Closet
Sebuah tulisan tidak berguna oleh Ronal Krizmas
Mr. Guo Peng (baca: kwo-penk) adalah teman kerja saya. Beliau berumur 24 tahun, berasal dari dataran China dan baru pertama kali menginjakan kakinya di negeri ini sejak Juli 2004 karena di kontrak oleh sekolah tempat kami bekerja untuk mengajar bahasa Mandarin. Karena saya tidak dapat berbicara bahasa Mandarin, cara beliau berkomunikasi dengan saya adalah lewat bahasa Inggris yang tidak begitu lancar dan sedikit sekali bahasa Indonesia.
Saya ingat waktu itu kami sedang makan siang di ruang makan guru dan seperti biasa kami pun bercakap-cakap. Saya banyak bertanya mengenai pendapatnya tentang negeri saya tercinta ini dan beliau pun menjawab dengan antusias. Ketika saya bertanya sudah kemana sajakah beliau selama di Jakarta, jawabnya, "I don’t go out very often, it's not safe."
Saya cukup terkejut dengan jawaban tersebut mengingat Mr. Guo Peng adalah seorang pendatang baru di Jakarta, bagaimana mungkin beliau bisa mendapatkan image seperti itu? Apakah masalah kemanan di Indonesia sudah sebegitu tenarnya sampai ke negeri Tirai Bambu? Atau ada oknum-oknum lain yang 'mengindoktrinasi' beliau dengan paradigma "It's not safe here in Jakarta"?
Saya tidak bertanya lebih lanjut mengenai keterkejutan saya itu. Yang saya lakukan adalah saya mencoba meyakinkan bahwa itu hanyalah mitos belaka dan saya bercerita bagaimana saya sering sekali bepergian hingga lewat tengah malam hanya dengan mengendarai sepeda motor dan tidak pernah terjadi suatu apapun yang tidak diinginkan. Yah, tentu saya cukup sering tertangkap razia polisi-polisi lapar 'uang lembur' yang berjaga-jaga di tempat-tempat yang tersembunyi karena membonceng teman saya yang tidak memakai helm, namun selain itu tidak pernah ada kejadian yang sampai membuat saya berpikir "It's not safe here in Jakarta". Dan Mr. Guo Peng cukup kaget dengan cerita saya. Tampaknya cerita saya berlainan sekali dengan apa yang beliau ketahui.
Dan saya yakin banyak orang Jakarta sendiri pun memiliki reaksi yang sama dengan Mr. Guo Peng karena paradigma "It's not safe here in Jakarta", atau lebih luas lagi "It's not safe here in Indonesia" sudah merasuk dan menyebar bagaikan racun yang menyerang setiap pembuluh darah masyarakat negeri ini, perlahan namun pasti membuat kita mati rasa dan membunuh harapan kita akan bangsa ini. Dan untuk itulah saya menulis artikel ini sebagai obat penawar bagi racun tersebut.
Saya adalah warga negara Indonesia keturunan Chinese, dan menurut paradigma yang mendarah daging di masyarakat kita, orang-orang dengan kulit lebih putih dan mata yang memandang dunia dengan separuh terbuka ini adalah orang-orang yang paling rentan dan menjadi objek kriminalitas paling empuk di negara ini. Karena selain tidak memiliki kekuatan publik, orang-orang ini juga dipandang dengan mata tertutup sebagai penyebab kecemburuan sosial. Namun tetap saja saya adalah orang yang mengatakan bahwa paradigma "It's not safe here in Indonesia" adalah mitos!
Ijinkan saya berbagi pengalaman dengan Anda.
Ketika itu gereja saya mengadakan retreat di kawasan Ciawi, dan karena berbenturan dengan jadwal ujian di kampus saya, saya tdak bisa ikut dengan rombongan dan harus menyusul ke sana sendirian, yah tidak sendirian sih, saya ditemani oleh dua orang teman saya yang juga keturunan Chinese (meskipun agak tidak enak didengar, tapi saya harus menekankan masalah keturunan Chinese ini untuk menjelaskan maksud saya).
Hari sudah malam ketika kami tiba di kawasan Ciawi, dan karena alamat yang diberikan kepada kami tidak jelas maka kami kesulitan untuk menemukan lokasi retret tersebut. Kami bertanya pada seorang ibu yang kebetulan satu arah dengan kami dan beliau berjanji akan menunjukkan jalannya. Seperti biasa, kawasan puncak dan sekitarnya di akhir minggu macet total. Dan kami harus berjalan kaki, bersama ibu tersebut. Kami menawarkan membawakan belanjaan ibu tersebut yang sangat banyak dan kelihatan berat sekali dan berjalan kaki bersama-sama. Sepanjang perjalanan kami bercakap-cakap mengenai banyak hal. Ketika tiba di rumah sang ibu, waktu sudah pukul 10 malam dan beliau menawarkan kami untuk bermalam dirumahnya dan baru berangkat keesokan paginya. Luar biasa! Menawarkan tempat bermalam untuk 3 orang keturunan Chinese yang tidak dikenal! Bukankah Indonesia harusnya adalah negara yang tidak aman dan penuh kecurigaan? Ada yang salah dengan ibu ini ataukah selama ini kita telah salah menerima bulat-bulat paradigma tersebut?
Tentu kami menolak dengan halus dan setelah cape memaksa akhirnya ibu itu pun memanggil tukang ojek kenalannya untuk mengantarkan kami ke lokasi retret. Setelah pamitan kami pun diantar dan akhirnya tiba di lokasi retret dengan selamat sentosa.
Itu adalah salah satu kisah yang tidak akan pernah saya lupakan. Belum lagi kisah-kisah lain yang tidak terhitung. Seperti puluhan kali saya bertanya tentang jalan pada sesama pengendara motor dan tanpa basa-basi mereka langsung menawarkan dan mengantarkan saya ke tempat yang saya tuju walaupun mereka harus memutar berlawanan dan menempuh jarak yang lebih jauh dari tujuan mereka.
Bagaimana teman saya mengalami kecelakaan kecil di tengah perjalanan akibat hujan deras, dan beberapa anak muda pribumi menolongnya tanpa basa-basi dan menolak ketika hendak diberi 'uang rokok'. Bagaimana ketika motor teman saya mogok ditengah jalan dan seorang penjaga warung rokok membantu teman saya itu mendorong motornya hingga sampai dirumah. Bagaimana seorang pekerja cleaning service di sekolah tempat saya bekerja membantu saya menyelesaikan pekerjaan hingga jam 2 dini hari secara sukarela, dan tidak mengeluh ketika hanya ditraktir Indomie rebus dan es teh manis di warung terdekat. Bagaimana seorang tukang palak akhirnya mengembalikan uang saya ketika saya mengatakan bahwa saya tidak punya ongkos untuk pulang apabila dia mengambil uang saya itu. Bagaimana seorang tukang parkir menolak diberi uang parkir hanya karena beliau tahu saya berasal dari daerah yang sama dengannya. Dan begitu banyak kisah lain yang dibiarkan tersembunyi dan berdebu di balik lemari bangsa ini yang dialami saya dan teman-teman yang kebanyakan adalah orang-orang keturunan Chinese. Bukankah Indonesia harusnya adalah negara yang tidak aman dan penuh kecurigaan? Ada yang salah dengan orang-orang tersebut ataukah selama ini kita telah salah menerima bulat-bulat paradigma tersebut?
Kriminalitas yang dieskpos secara brutal dan bertubi-tubi oleh media, nasihat-nasihat dari orang tua untuk tidak mempercayai orang-orang di luar sana, dan ditambah dengan cerita-cerita negatif yang membuat racun itu semakin membutakan mata kita. Kita terlalu banyak mendengar tentang hal-hal yang negatif tentang bangsa ini melebihi porsi yang seharusnya. Padahal di luar sana ada cerita-cerita positif yang memiliki porsi yang sama banyaknya dengan yang negatif. Hanya saja yang positif hampir tidak pernah diekspos. Apabila seseorang dirampok dan kendaraanya dibawa kabur di tengah jalan, keesokan harinya pasti muncul berita di surat kabar lokal "Dicegat di Jalan, Mobil Dibawa Kabur" namun apabila ada kecelakaan dan beberapa orang menolong korban tanpa pamrih, tidak akan pernah tertulis berita tersebut di mana pun. Sebuah ketidak seimbangan yang merugikan. Bagaikan orang lumpuh yang berjalan dengan tongkat di satu sisinya.
Masih ada begitu banyak kebaikan di Indonesia! Setiap senyuman hangat ibu-ibu penjaga warteg, teguran ramah tukang-tukang ojek dan sapaan akrab penjaga warung rokok, semuanya mengingatkan saya akan hal tersebut. Itu yang saya coba serukan lewat artikel ini. Saya tidak naif dan menutup mata serta berkhayal tentang dunia utopia yang hanya ada dalam angan, saya tidak menyangkali ada begitu banyak kejadian buruk terjadi di sini, namun setiap masyarakat memang memiliki masalah yang sama. Tidak semua orang baik namun juga tidak semua orang berniat jahat. Hanya saja menurut saya, sangat tidak bijaksana apabila kita terlalu berfokus pada hal-hal yang negatif lalu melupakan yang positif. Dunia tidak terdiri dari negatifitas saja, hidup tidak terdiri dari negatifitas saja, Indonesia tidak terdiri dari negatifitas saja, Jakarta tidak terdiri dari negatifitas saja. Indeed Indonesia is not a safe country, but it's also a very safe country at the same time.
Masih ada begitu banyak kebaikan di Indonesia! Daripada hanya mendengar dan membaca saja, Anda perlu keluar dan merasakannya sendiri.
closet:
1. A cabinet or enclosed recess for linens, household supplies, or clothing.
2. A small private chamber, as for study or prayer.
3. A water closet; a toilet.
4. A state of secrecy or cautious privacy
~ Dictionary.com.
Silakan log on ke sini kalau kamu ingin ikutan diskusi tentang hal ini.
Kemaren ini iseng-iseng nggambar di skul pas lagi ga ada kerjaan, eh lumayan juga jadinya hehehe.. Pencil on BC, edited in Photoshop.
~
Sebuah artikel yang cukup panjang dalam rangka memperingati 60 tahun Dirgahayu Indonesia.
There's Something In The Closet
Sebuah tulisan tidak berguna oleh Ronal Krizmas
Mr. Guo Peng (baca: kwo-penk) adalah teman kerja saya. Beliau berumur 24 tahun, berasal dari dataran China dan baru pertama kali menginjakan kakinya di negeri ini sejak Juli 2004 karena di kontrak oleh sekolah tempat kami bekerja untuk mengajar bahasa Mandarin. Karena saya tidak dapat berbicara bahasa Mandarin, cara beliau berkomunikasi dengan saya adalah lewat bahasa Inggris yang tidak begitu lancar dan sedikit sekali bahasa Indonesia.
Saya ingat waktu itu kami sedang makan siang di ruang makan guru dan seperti biasa kami pun bercakap-cakap. Saya banyak bertanya mengenai pendapatnya tentang negeri saya tercinta ini dan beliau pun menjawab dengan antusias. Ketika saya bertanya sudah kemana sajakah beliau selama di Jakarta, jawabnya, "I don’t go out very often, it's not safe."
Saya cukup terkejut dengan jawaban tersebut mengingat Mr. Guo Peng adalah seorang pendatang baru di Jakarta, bagaimana mungkin beliau bisa mendapatkan image seperti itu? Apakah masalah kemanan di Indonesia sudah sebegitu tenarnya sampai ke negeri Tirai Bambu? Atau ada oknum-oknum lain yang 'mengindoktrinasi' beliau dengan paradigma "It's not safe here in Jakarta"?
Saya tidak bertanya lebih lanjut mengenai keterkejutan saya itu. Yang saya lakukan adalah saya mencoba meyakinkan bahwa itu hanyalah mitos belaka dan saya bercerita bagaimana saya sering sekali bepergian hingga lewat tengah malam hanya dengan mengendarai sepeda motor dan tidak pernah terjadi suatu apapun yang tidak diinginkan. Yah, tentu saya cukup sering tertangkap razia polisi-polisi lapar 'uang lembur' yang berjaga-jaga di tempat-tempat yang tersembunyi karena membonceng teman saya yang tidak memakai helm, namun selain itu tidak pernah ada kejadian yang sampai membuat saya berpikir "It's not safe here in Jakarta". Dan Mr. Guo Peng cukup kaget dengan cerita saya. Tampaknya cerita saya berlainan sekali dengan apa yang beliau ketahui.
Dan saya yakin banyak orang Jakarta sendiri pun memiliki reaksi yang sama dengan Mr. Guo Peng karena paradigma "It's not safe here in Jakarta", atau lebih luas lagi "It's not safe here in Indonesia" sudah merasuk dan menyebar bagaikan racun yang menyerang setiap pembuluh darah masyarakat negeri ini, perlahan namun pasti membuat kita mati rasa dan membunuh harapan kita akan bangsa ini. Dan untuk itulah saya menulis artikel ini sebagai obat penawar bagi racun tersebut.
Saya adalah warga negara Indonesia keturunan Chinese, dan menurut paradigma yang mendarah daging di masyarakat kita, orang-orang dengan kulit lebih putih dan mata yang memandang dunia dengan separuh terbuka ini adalah orang-orang yang paling rentan dan menjadi objek kriminalitas paling empuk di negara ini. Karena selain tidak memiliki kekuatan publik, orang-orang ini juga dipandang dengan mata tertutup sebagai penyebab kecemburuan sosial. Namun tetap saja saya adalah orang yang mengatakan bahwa paradigma "It's not safe here in Indonesia" adalah mitos!
Ijinkan saya berbagi pengalaman dengan Anda.
Ketika itu gereja saya mengadakan retreat di kawasan Ciawi, dan karena berbenturan dengan jadwal ujian di kampus saya, saya tdak bisa ikut dengan rombongan dan harus menyusul ke sana sendirian, yah tidak sendirian sih, saya ditemani oleh dua orang teman saya yang juga keturunan Chinese (meskipun agak tidak enak didengar, tapi saya harus menekankan masalah keturunan Chinese ini untuk menjelaskan maksud saya).
Hari sudah malam ketika kami tiba di kawasan Ciawi, dan karena alamat yang diberikan kepada kami tidak jelas maka kami kesulitan untuk menemukan lokasi retret tersebut. Kami bertanya pada seorang ibu yang kebetulan satu arah dengan kami dan beliau berjanji akan menunjukkan jalannya. Seperti biasa, kawasan puncak dan sekitarnya di akhir minggu macet total. Dan kami harus berjalan kaki, bersama ibu tersebut. Kami menawarkan membawakan belanjaan ibu tersebut yang sangat banyak dan kelihatan berat sekali dan berjalan kaki bersama-sama. Sepanjang perjalanan kami bercakap-cakap mengenai banyak hal. Ketika tiba di rumah sang ibu, waktu sudah pukul 10 malam dan beliau menawarkan kami untuk bermalam dirumahnya dan baru berangkat keesokan paginya. Luar biasa! Menawarkan tempat bermalam untuk 3 orang keturunan Chinese yang tidak dikenal! Bukankah Indonesia harusnya adalah negara yang tidak aman dan penuh kecurigaan? Ada yang salah dengan ibu ini ataukah selama ini kita telah salah menerima bulat-bulat paradigma tersebut?
Tentu kami menolak dengan halus dan setelah cape memaksa akhirnya ibu itu pun memanggil tukang ojek kenalannya untuk mengantarkan kami ke lokasi retret. Setelah pamitan kami pun diantar dan akhirnya tiba di lokasi retret dengan selamat sentosa.
Itu adalah salah satu kisah yang tidak akan pernah saya lupakan. Belum lagi kisah-kisah lain yang tidak terhitung. Seperti puluhan kali saya bertanya tentang jalan pada sesama pengendara motor dan tanpa basa-basi mereka langsung menawarkan dan mengantarkan saya ke tempat yang saya tuju walaupun mereka harus memutar berlawanan dan menempuh jarak yang lebih jauh dari tujuan mereka.
Bagaimana teman saya mengalami kecelakaan kecil di tengah perjalanan akibat hujan deras, dan beberapa anak muda pribumi menolongnya tanpa basa-basi dan menolak ketika hendak diberi 'uang rokok'. Bagaimana ketika motor teman saya mogok ditengah jalan dan seorang penjaga warung rokok membantu teman saya itu mendorong motornya hingga sampai dirumah. Bagaimana seorang pekerja cleaning service di sekolah tempat saya bekerja membantu saya menyelesaikan pekerjaan hingga jam 2 dini hari secara sukarela, dan tidak mengeluh ketika hanya ditraktir Indomie rebus dan es teh manis di warung terdekat. Bagaimana seorang tukang palak akhirnya mengembalikan uang saya ketika saya mengatakan bahwa saya tidak punya ongkos untuk pulang apabila dia mengambil uang saya itu. Bagaimana seorang tukang parkir menolak diberi uang parkir hanya karena beliau tahu saya berasal dari daerah yang sama dengannya. Dan begitu banyak kisah lain yang dibiarkan tersembunyi dan berdebu di balik lemari bangsa ini yang dialami saya dan teman-teman yang kebanyakan adalah orang-orang keturunan Chinese. Bukankah Indonesia harusnya adalah negara yang tidak aman dan penuh kecurigaan? Ada yang salah dengan orang-orang tersebut ataukah selama ini kita telah salah menerima bulat-bulat paradigma tersebut?
Kriminalitas yang dieskpos secara brutal dan bertubi-tubi oleh media, nasihat-nasihat dari orang tua untuk tidak mempercayai orang-orang di luar sana, dan ditambah dengan cerita-cerita negatif yang membuat racun itu semakin membutakan mata kita. Kita terlalu banyak mendengar tentang hal-hal yang negatif tentang bangsa ini melebihi porsi yang seharusnya. Padahal di luar sana ada cerita-cerita positif yang memiliki porsi yang sama banyaknya dengan yang negatif. Hanya saja yang positif hampir tidak pernah diekspos. Apabila seseorang dirampok dan kendaraanya dibawa kabur di tengah jalan, keesokan harinya pasti muncul berita di surat kabar lokal "Dicegat di Jalan, Mobil Dibawa Kabur" namun apabila ada kecelakaan dan beberapa orang menolong korban tanpa pamrih, tidak akan pernah tertulis berita tersebut di mana pun. Sebuah ketidak seimbangan yang merugikan. Bagaikan orang lumpuh yang berjalan dengan tongkat di satu sisinya.
Masih ada begitu banyak kebaikan di Indonesia! Setiap senyuman hangat ibu-ibu penjaga warteg, teguran ramah tukang-tukang ojek dan sapaan akrab penjaga warung rokok, semuanya mengingatkan saya akan hal tersebut. Itu yang saya coba serukan lewat artikel ini. Saya tidak naif dan menutup mata serta berkhayal tentang dunia utopia yang hanya ada dalam angan, saya tidak menyangkali ada begitu banyak kejadian buruk terjadi di sini, namun setiap masyarakat memang memiliki masalah yang sama. Tidak semua orang baik namun juga tidak semua orang berniat jahat. Hanya saja menurut saya, sangat tidak bijaksana apabila kita terlalu berfokus pada hal-hal yang negatif lalu melupakan yang positif. Dunia tidak terdiri dari negatifitas saja, hidup tidak terdiri dari negatifitas saja, Indonesia tidak terdiri dari negatifitas saja, Jakarta tidak terdiri dari negatifitas saja. Indeed Indonesia is not a safe country, but it's also a very safe country at the same time.
Masih ada begitu banyak kebaikan di Indonesia! Daripada hanya mendengar dan membaca saja, Anda perlu keluar dan merasakannya sendiri.
closet:
1. A cabinet or enclosed recess for linens, household supplies, or clothing.
2. A small private chamber, as for study or prayer.
3. A water closet; a toilet.
4. A state of secrecy or cautious privacy
~ Dictionary.com.
Silakan log on ke sini kalau kamu ingin ikutan diskusi tentang hal ini.